


Tsuru

by ChickenXD



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: Doctor/Patient, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-29 09:16:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6368869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChickenXD/pseuds/ChickenXD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Isa is Ryuuji's dying patient. How exciting</p><p>“You probably won’t understand, but it’s… it’s terrifying.<br/>“The thought that one day, I’m going to walk into your room and find that you’re there – that I’ll never be able to see you again, or hear your voice again…<br/>“I know you feel like nobody cares about you, but… I do. I really do."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 3

May 7th, 21XX

 

“Good morning, Isa-kun!”

Isa looked up from his book as Ryuuji walked in through the door, closing it behind him. Isa looked up at the clock, which read 11:30 PM –

“...it’s not really morning anymore.”

“Well, it’s morning whenever I come in, Isa-kun!

“How are you feeling today?” Ryuuji asked cheerfully – he spotted the cart of food next to the bed, with the eggs and pasta untouched. The glass of water was on the nightstand, though, only half full. 

“I’m feeling alright,” Isa replied, “Seems like the weather’s nice outside.”

“Well, it looks really sunny, but the wind is cold,” Ryuuji said while taking a chair and sitting down next to the bed.

“Have you eaten at all today?”

“I ate breakfast,” Isa replied, “Not all of it, though, since I wasn’t really feeling hungry.

“How about you? How was your day, doctor?”

“Well, it’s been alright! Nothing particularly interesting!” Ryuuji replied, “I had a few patients just now, and there’s going to be a board meeting after lunch…” He let out a sigh, “It’s going to be really boring…”

Isa gave a nod, before he took a bookmark and closed the book he was reading. 

 

Ryuuji noticed then, a pack of colorful paper on the nightstand –

“Origami?”

“My friends… Hitori-kun and Kazuaki-kun, came to visit yesterday,” Isa said, “Kazuaki-kun suggested I do some origami, because apparently, if I fold a thousand cranes, I’ll get a wish granted…

“...he’s always been a fool, that guy – believing in fairytales and myths.”

“You can do it, and I’ll help you!” Ryuuji offered, “I can probably do twenty or thirty every day.”

“It won’t count unless I do all of them myself,” Isa said, “And besides, it’s pointless. Didn’t you yourself say there’s no hope for me to get better?”

 

Isa noticed Ryuuji was looking down at the floor after hearing that question. 

His eyes seemed sad, and the smile on his face was now gone. 

 

Isa probably will never understand what it feels like to be in that position,

Watching the person you love wait for his death, knowing you can’t do anything to help. 

 

“...I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s totally fine!” Ryuuji replied as he reached for the pack of folding paper, and took out a piece of red paper. 

Isa only watched quietly as Ryuuji started folding the paper, making it into a crane. 

“But you know, maybe I’ll start making my own cranes, so I get to make a wish as well!”

“Hmph,” Isa sighed, “To think that even someone as scientific as you would believe in such superstitious things.”

“I mean, it’s not wrong to try!” Ryuuji replied with a smile, “Although there may be no medical cure to your disease yet, maybe… something akin to a miracle can happen!”

 

“By the way, are your parents visiting today?”

“I don’t think so,” Isa replied, “They haven’t been here for weeeks. They’re probably busy, or maybe they just don’t care.”

“Don’t be so pessimistic…”

“It’s called being realistic,” Isa corrected, “Since I’m going to die in a few months, they’re probably busy trying to make another child to replace me.”

 

“...maybe I shouldn’t have told you the diagnosis.”

Ryuuji finished folding his third crane, and placed it on the nightstand. Isa only looked at Ryuuji without saying a word –

“If I’d known it’d just make you sad and hopeless like this, I would’ve said something else…” Ryuuji sighed, “Something like, the possibility of having an experimental cure available..”

“But then that’d be lying,” Isa replied, “And what good will it do to delay the truth? Giving someone false hope is also pretty cruel, you know.”

“I didn’t want to take away your will to live either. Part of why some of my patients survive longer than others is their will to live,” Ryuuji explained, “Those who have given up usually die a lot quicker… I don’t understand why, but it happens.

“And I want you to live, Isa-kun.”

Ryuuji leaned over, reaching his hand to hold Isa’s. Isa looked at Ryuuji for a second, before turning away with a sigh. 

“It’s pointless.”

 


	2. 57

May 11th 21XX

 

“Good morning, Isa-kun!”

Ryuuji walked into the room, holding a box of donuts with some paper cranes on it. Isa turned away from the window to look at Ryuuji, and gave a nod. 

“Good morning, doctor.”

For some reason, Ryuuji seemed to be more cheerful recently…

Maybe he’s just faking it, so that Isa won’t feel too depressed.

“I brought some donuts today! I thought you might like some sweets!” Ryuuji said as he placed them on the nightstand – “Which one do you like? Chocolate, just glazed, or?”

Ryuuji opened the box, handing it over to Isa – there were six in the box, with two of them just glazed, one of them with colorful chocolate sprinkles, one with strawberry glaze, and the other two were filled with cream.

“Thank you,” Isa said, “But I’m not feeling hungry right now.”

“Is that so?”

Ryuuji glanced at the cart next to the bed, and saw that the toast and eggs were untouched – only the milk was missing.

“Don’t worry,” Isa said, as if sensing Ryuuji’s concern – “I have been eating lunch and dinner regularly.”

“No, the nurse told me you haven’t been eating very much!”

Ryuuji pulled a chair, and sat down next to the bed. 

“Is it the hospital’s food?” Ryuuji asked, “I mean, you’ve been here for almost two months now, so it’s normal if you’ve grown tired of them.”

“No, I just… don’t feel hungry,” Isa replied, “And that’s normal, isn’t it, since I haven’t been moving that much?”

“Maybe but still…”

Ryuuji took Isa’s hand in his, stroking it gently. 

Maybe it was just his feeling, but… it felt like Isa’s hands have become bonier. 

 

“...I’ll leave the donuts here for you.”

“You can just give me one and eat the rest yourself,” Isa replied, but Ryuuji shook his head. 

“I have another box in my office, so it’s alright!”

  
  


Everything had felt… blurry ever since Isa came to the hospital a few months ago, when he suddenly couldn’t move his legs. 

So his parents brought him to the hospital, where they were told –

_ “This genetic disease is very rare, and… as we speak, there’s no cure for it yet. He’ll live for six months, at most.” _

 

Ryuuji probably regretted telling them that – no, he’d told Isa at least five times that he does – but it wasn’t like any other options were available. 

Isa did go home with his parents that day, in a wheelchair, 

But after a month, it was obvious they didn’t want him anymore. 

And they were perhaps right, in putting him back to the hospital – what use is there in taking care of a person who will certainly die?

 

Since then, every day had been the same.

Nurses coming in the morning to bring breakfast, nurses coming to check his vitals every day, nurses coming to bring him medication along with his lunch, and nurses changing his IVs as they bring him dinner. 

What books he’d read, whether or not he’d eaten, whether or not he slept last night. 

Time seemed to pass by in a blur, with nothing happening at all that he’d lost track of it. 

 

Except Ryuuji, that is. 

Maybe that’s the only way he can tell time now – when Ryuuji comes, and when Ryuuji comes again the next day – 

Aside from Ryuuji, nothing else matters. 

 

“Don’t you get bored, sitting around like this every day, Isa-kun?”

“It’s alright,” Isa replied, “I have my books to read.”

“You’ve been reading them over and over,” Ryuuji said, turning to look at the stack of books on the nightstand, “Maybe I should get you a few more? 

“What do you like to read, Isa-kun? Mystery novels? Manga? Maybe romance novels?”

Isa slowly turned to look at the books he had – Agatha Christie, Haruki Murakami, and George Orwell. 

“...I don’t know,” Isa replied, “I’ll read anything you get me.”

“I’ll see what I have at home that you don’t already have here, then!” Ryuuji suggested, 

“And… What do you say we go out some time?”

Isa turned to Ryuuji, slightly confused but Ryuuji still smiled. 

“Like… to the beach? Or to someplace you like that’s not too far from the hospital?”

“Is that possible?” Isa asked, “I mean, at this point, I really need my wheelchair to move around, and…”

“Don’t worry about that! I used to take my mum out on her wheelchair after she had her stroke!”

Isa sighed as he looked out of the window. He could see the city from there, although not too far away – 

It… certainly would be nice to go out again. 

Think about it, he used to go out with his friends, too, and… they had quite a lot of fun, too, going around eating ice cream or watching movies or even just hanging out. 

Perhaps he can then feel like a normal person again.

 

“Think about it, alright?” Ryuuji said, holding Isa’s hand tightly – “Tell me tomorrow, if you’ve decided on it.”

Isa gave a nod, and only watched quietly as Ryuuji got up from the chair. 

“By the way, you’ve been keeping count on the cranes, haven’t you, Isa-kun?”

Isa slowly shifted his gaze to the stack of colorful paper cranes sitting on a chair by the corner of the room – 

There’s a whole stack of them now – quite a lot compared to what Ryuuji started with.

“I sure hope we reach a thousand soon,” Ryuuji said with a sigh, “Maybe I can stay up to make a few tonight…”

 


	3. 163

May 20th, 21XX

 

Today is a special day.

Ryuuji visited Isa around lunchtime, as usual, but now he’s back again, without his white doctor coat – he’s wearing a brown coat insted. 

“Are you ready to go, Isa-kun?”

Isa gave a nod. 

 

“By the way, Isa-kun, why do you want to go to the observatory?”

“I went there when I was a child. I just thought I’d like to see it again.”

Ryuuji gave a nod, smiling. 

“By the way, since it’s almost dinnertime, we should go get something to eat first!” Ryuuji suggested, “What do you want to eat, Isa-kun?”

Isa shook his head, “...anything is fine. I’m not that hungry.”

“Hey, it’s not often that you get to leave the hospital, so let’s get something you really like!” Ryuuji said, “Ramen? Pizza? Hamburger?”

“...think about it, Hitori-kun and Kazuaki-kun used to take me to this burger place in Akihabara.”

 

It’s been such a long time since Isa went out, now that he is now, it felt… strange.

The fact that quite a few people were staring as they board the train wasn’t really helping, either. 

But perhaps that’s just expected.

Ryuuji seemed perfectly fine with it, though.

 

The city was bright and lively, just as Isa remembered it. 

Not a lot of things had changed in the past three months – still the same crowd, the same noisiness.

 

To think that any time now, he would disappear from among the living, and nobody would perhaps care. 

 

“It’s somewhat cloudy tonight, isn’t it?”

Ryuuji pushed Isa’s wheelchair towards the telescope – it was big and white, almost giving off an eerie atmosphere as it stood in the centre. One end was inside, for the observer, while the other end was directed towards the sky.

It was a dark night, seen through the opening in the dome – the sky was a deep shade of blue, with a few grey clouds hovering among them. The moon was hiding behind the clouds, but among the clouds the small, twinkling stars could be seen. The lights from the city beneath scattered around the sky, making a gradient from yellow to navy. 

The wind blew, gentle yet cold. 

“Are you cold, Isa-kun?”

“I’m fine,” Isa replied – 

Ryuuji still took off his coat, placing it in Isa’s lap. Isa looked up to him, slightly confused, but Ryuuji only smiled.

“Just in case it gets colder.”

 

“Do you know what stars are made of, Isa-kun?”

“...helium, hydrogen, and some other things, right?”

“Yes! Nitrogen, carbon, metal, and the souls of people who have returned to the skies!”

Isa looked up from the telescope to Ryuuji with a sigh – his eyes seemed to say, “what the fuck, Ryuuji.”

“...I never thought someone like you would buy into fairy tales like that.”

“Well, they are kind of interesting!” Ryuuji replied with a smile – “I mean… I don’t really believe in hell or heaven, but human souls have to go somewhere after they die, right?”

“But souls cannot be seen or touched or heard,” Isa replied, “They simply exist within us, and when we die, they disappear.”

Ryuuji fell silent after that – only stared at Isa in silence. 

Their eyes meet for a while – Isa could tell Ryuuji was thinking about something deeply, something that couldn’t be put into words. 

Felt so strange to see him get all quiet and solemn like this…

 

But perhaps it is a feeling Isa can never understand. 

Ah, if only there was a way to alter fate. 

 

Felt like Ryuuji wasn’t going to say anything, so Isa turned back to look at the telescope. 

He could see some of the stars peeking from the clouds in the distance, looking like bright white holes in a pitch black screen. 

 

“They’re beautiful.”

Perhaps, if what Ryuuji had said about stars being made out of the souls of the dead –

Perhaps he would also become something as pretty. 

As impossible as it was, perhaps that wouldn’t be a terrible possibility. 

 

“Feels so… surreal, doesn’t it?

“To think that one day, I won’t be able to see Isa-kun anymore – I’ll just be able to see what remains of your soul as a star.”

 

Isa turned around to see that Ryuuji had lowered his head, looking at the ground – 

His shoulders were shaking, and although Isa couldn’t see his face too clearly, he knew what was happening.

 

“Sorry,” Ryuuji said with a sigh, “I… just don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

Ryuuji looked up to Isa, his eyes glistening with tears, but he still smiled. 

 

All this time, he’s been trying to look strong, 

but perhaps, he’s just as desperate inside. 

 

“You probably won’t understand, but it’s… it’s terrifying. 

“The thought that one day, I’m going to walk into your room and find that you’re there – that I’ll never be able to see you again, or hear your voice again…

“I know you feel like nobody cares about you, but…” Ryuuji paused to take a breath, “I do. I really do.

“I want you to live, Isa, no matter what it takes, no matter how impossible it is. It really pains me when you look like you’ve given up all hope, like you’ve accepted your death…”

“I have.”

 

Isa slowly reached out his hand to take Ryuuji’s – Ryuuji was still shaking, but Isa gently caressed his hand, as if trying to calm him down.  

 

“I thought I would try to cut all my ties to this world before I die, but…

“You’re making it really difficult for me, Ryuuji.”

 


	4. 188

May 21st, 21XX

Last night felt like a dream.

 

Isa woke up to find himself in his hospital room, as always.

The sterile white walls and ceiling, the low murmur of the air conditioner, the lingering smell of antiseptics.

Everything had felt so familiar now to the point it was sickening.

Isa was about to try to get up when he felt something weighing down his arm –

 

It was Ryuuji.

Seems like he’d fallen asleep holding Isa’s hand. He was no longer wearing the clothes from last night, though – he was wearing the standard blue scrub instead.

Isa carefully got up, trying to not wake Ryuuji up, and gently mussed his hair with his free hand. Ryuuji seemed really tired…

There was a few paper cranes sitting on the nightstand.

Ryuuji slowly opened his eyes and looked up to Isa upon feeling his hand on his head.

“Good morning, Isa-kun!”

“Good morning.”

Ryuuji yawned as he sat up, and rubbed his eyes. Looking at him like this, he seemed really, really tired, with the circles under his swollen eyes.

“Did you sleep well?”

Isa gave a nod.

“Why didn’t you go home yesterday, doctor?”

“Ahh, you probably don’t remember, since you were already asleep,” Ryuuji replied, “I had to do an emergency surgery yesterday, after we got back. By the time I was done, it was already three in the morning… since there’s no trains running, I decided to just stay here.”

“And fold cranes till you fall asleep?”

Ryuuji only smiled gently as he took Isa’s hand, placing it on his cheek and kissing the fingertips –  
Ryuuji felt warm, tender and gentle.

“Will you come again later?”

“Of course I will, darling.”

 

“You’re such an idiot,” Isa sighed, “You choose to care for me, someone who’s going to die soon… why do you hurt yourself like this, Ryuuji? Save yourself that heartbreak.”

“I don’t mind being hurt,” Ryuuji replied with a smile, “As long as you’re happy…

“I love you, Isa.”

 

 _...what a fool._  
You’re just going to make it difficult for us later.  
I never thought that something like this would come up near the end of my life –  
Out of all times, someone has to love me now.  
I don’t want to hurt Ryuuji. He’s… simply too kind.

 

“Isa?”

Ryuuji leaned over, cupping Isa’s cheeks and wiping his tears. Isa didn’t stop, though, only clung onto Ryuuji and pulled him closer.

“Isa, please don’t cry.”

“...seriously,” Isa muttered, “Stop making me want to go on living. Let me die peacefully.”

“But I don’t want you to die.”

“You understand that that’s not possible, don’t you? Stop being desperate…

“It really is strange, isn’t it? All this time, nobody cares for me, and now that you are caring for me… I’m telling you to go away.”

 

So much strange emotions stirred in his chest.

Emotions he can’t explain or understand.

Is it pain? Is it happiness? Is it, perhaps, fear?

 

Isa doesn’t understand,

but perhaps, he doesn’t need to.

 

“I’ll always stay with you, Isa. For as long as I can.”

_But time is running out, isn’t it?_


	5. 264

May 27th, 21XX

 

“Good morning, Isa-kun!”

Ryuuji walked into the room to find Isa sitting on his bed, as usual – he was looking out of the window, but slowly turned his head as Ryuuji walked in. 

He was holding a piece of folded paper in his hand – seems like he was going to make it into a crane. 

“Hello, doctor.”

Ryuuji looked over, and noticed that half of the food was gone – Isa seemed to be eating more lately. 

Ryuuji walked over to the bed, then leaned over and kissed his forehead. 

“How’s your day, darling?”

“It’s alright,” Isa replied, “I didn’t sleep well last night, so I’m somewhat tired, but it’s been a good day.”

“I see you’re folding cranes now.”

Isa gave a nod as he finished folding the neck of the crane – his hands seemed to be trembling as he did so. 

“I figured I have nothing to do anyway,” Isa replied, “I’m not as fast as you, but might as well see how much I can make.”

 

So much strange feelings. 

Perhaps Ryuuji should be happy, too, that Isa is finally having hope again –

But isn’t it cruel to give someone false hope – to make them work towards something that has no probability of happening?

_So what if one of us got to a thousand?  
_

_There’s still no cure to this illness, and Isa is going to die.  
_

_Am I making him feel guilty about dying – am I forcing my wish to him, despire knowing how impossible it is?_

All this time, Ryuuji had always hated it when Isa acted so pessimistically –

But perhaps Isa had been right after all. 

He was simply being realistic – there was no way he could survive longer than expected. 

And to be forced to succumb to that fate… felt absolutely horrible.

 

“...don’t worry, doctor.”

Isa finished folding the crane, and placed it on the nightstand. There were already a few other cranes there –

“My wish, if I ever get to make it at all… has nothing to do with me.”

 

Suddenly, they could hear the door click open –

Ryuuji turned around, and standing by the door were two familiar figures –

Ryuuji immediately recognized them Isa’s parents – 

Isa quickly tried to sit up, only his arms were too weak to support his body, so he couldn’t get up at all, and could only wince in pain. 

“Are you okay, I… Utsuro-kun?” 

“I’m fine,” Isa muttered as he adjusted his position again, and then turned to the two people by the door – 

Only, a third person appeared –

A young boy, probably no more than fifteen, with long brown hair tied into a ponytail. 

Isa immediately turned his attention to him, curious but at the same time… 

Ryuuji couldn’t quite describe it as anything other than anger.

 

“Good afternoon, Doctor Kawara,” Mrs. Ichijou said with a smile, “It’s good to see that you’re taking care of our Utsuro.”

“Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Ichijou!” Ryuuji greeted back, before also turning to the boy – “And you are…”

The boy looked like he was about to introduce himself, only to have Mr. Ichijou grab his shoulder, deterring him. 

“Doctor,” Mr. Ichijou said, his voice cold and monotonous – “Would you mind stepping out for a bit?”

“...why does he need to?” 

Isa grabbed Ryuuji by the arm and held him tightly, as if unwilling to let him go ever again. 

“He’s staying here with us,” Isa said, “Let him listen.”

“Utsuro, this isn’t something he needs to know,” Mr. Ichijou replied, before turning to Ryuuji again –

“Please, doctor.”

 

Ryuuji turned to Isa, who was still frantically holding on to him. Isa looked up to him and slowly shook his head as if begging him to stay –

What is it that Isa was scared of?

Ryuuji had always had a feeling that Isa doesn’t get too well with his parents, but never actually knew why or how bad it was. 

Looking at Isa like this, Ryuuji almost didn’t want to leave –

– but what else can he do?

 

“Doctor.”

Mr. Ichijou walked over, grabbing Isa’s hand and forcefully pulled it away from Ryuuji. Isa let out a surprised gasp, before spitefully looking up at Ichijou –

Ichijou once again turned to Ryuuji, his face suddenly stern and cold. 

“Please leave.”

 

“How have you been, Utsuro darling?”

Isa didn’t reply to the question – only continued to glare at the boy, who now seemed to be uncomfortable under his glare. 

“I believe Dr. Kawara has been taking care of you, yes?” 

“...yes.”

 _In fact, he’s been taking care of me better than any of you have._

But of course Isa didn’t say that. 

“And who is this?”

“Hello,” the boy greeted as he bowed down, “My name is Ichijou Utsuhiko.”

“He’s going to be your brother, Utsuro,” Mrs. Ichijou replied,

“We’ve completed all the paperwork, and if everything goes well, by next month he’s going to move into our house.”

 

Felt so painful. 

Felt like he had been stabbed by a million needles over and over again, but he was still alive, so he could feel all the pain –

All this years, 

All this years, he’d just been lying to himself. 

He’s simply been telling himself that he was loved, when it clearly isn’t true. 

Despite everything he’d endured, he’d simply bit down his lip, swallowed his sorrow, and went on,

Like a broken puppet, desperately searching for someone to fix him and love him.

 

“...I see.”

Isa let out a sigh, letting himself sink further into his bed –

Felt like someone had hit him so hard in the chest that he fell over and couldn’t get up. 

“...I see. I’m…

“I’m… sorry.”

~•~

“Isa-kun?”

Ryuuji walked back into the room to find Isa sitting on the bed, holding one of his finished cranes –

He didn’t even look up to Ryuuji – simple stared blankly at the crane.

Ryuuji. could tell from his face that he was sad and angry.

Ryuuji sat down next to the bed and reached out his hand to grab Isa’s shoulder, only to have Isa slap it away. 

“Go away. ”

“What do you mean, Isa-kun?” Ryuuji asked, “What did you guys talk about?”

“...nothing important.”

“It’s important enough to make you this upset.”

Isa looked up to Ryuuji for a second, before letting out a sigh and looking down at the crane again. 

“Everything just feels so useless…

“...sorry, doctor.”

“What do you mean, Isa-kun?”

“I…” Isa’s voice was trembling – “I shouldn’t be alive, should I? I’m just being a burden to everyone…”

“Don’t say that, Isa,” Ryuuji whispered, “You’re precious to me, alright?”

“And when I die, you’re just going to find someone else to love,” Isa sobbed, “In a few years, you’re going to forget me anyway. You’ll find yourself a beautiful woman, get married, and have children. 

“What good is there in keeping me alive even now?”

“Isa, what makes you say that?”

“I’m tired, Ryuuji!” Isa shouted suddenly, “There’s no use in keeping me alive anyway! Go get your scalpel and kill me right now! I don’t need you to pretend like you care!”

Isa grabbed the crane by its wings, tearing it apart and throwing it on the floor. Ryuuji immediately reached over to pick it up –

“Isa, what…”

“Get out!” he cried, “Or else just hurry and kill me now!”

 


	6. 263

May 28th, 21XX

 

“Isa-kun?”

Ryuuji walked into the room and carefully closed the door behind him, trying to not make a sound.

Isa is sound asleep, it seems. He was facing away from Ryuuji, but at least he was lying down with the blanket pulled all the way up to his shoulders, and his glasses was placed at the nightstand.

Ryuuji walked over and leaned over – Isa was asleep, alright – his eyes were closed, his breathing was calm, and his chest was rising and falling regularly.

Ryuuji was about to lean over to give him a kiss when Isa slowly blinked his eyes open, and turned around.

He looked up to Ryuuji, surprised – so Ryuuji smiled, and gently kissed him on the forehead.

“Did I wake you up, darling?”

“...not really,” Isa muttered, so softly he was barely audible – “I was already awake, just trying to get myself back to sleep.

“What happened to me yesterday?”

“You had a panic attack and fainted,” Ryuuji replied, “It’s nothing serious. You’re fine now.”

Isa gave a slight nod, before rolling back to bed, still facing away from Ryuuji.

“...what time is it?

“No, actually, don’t answer that,” Isa suddenly decided, “It’s not important.”

Ryuuji sat down at the edge of the bed, gently running his hand down Isa’s back to soothe him down.

“I’m never letting your parents visit you again,” Ryuuji whispered, “It’s for the best, isn’t it?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Isa replied, “I don’t care about them anymore. Why should I, when they don’t care about me?”

Usually, Ryuuji would say something like “of course they do, they’re just terrible at showing it” –

But for some reason, saying it now feels… wrong.

“It just hurts,” Isa muttered, “To them, I mean no more than some random kid they picked up at an orphanage.”

“They’ll regret it.”

“I just…” Isa sighed, “That kid… he did nothing wrong. He’s just unfortunately caught up in this mess, and… he probably doesn’t know how terrible those two are. I can’t blame him. It’s my parents I’m angry at.”

“It’s alright,” Ryuuji replied, “If I’m in your position, I’d be angry too.”

Isa turned his head to look at Ryuuji for a second, before he finally rolled over to face Ryuuji and snuggled closer to him. Ryuuji carefully lifted Isa’s head, placing it on his lap.

“Your presence – your life, is irreplaceable, Isa,” Ryuuji said, “Don’t ever let anything make you feel worthless.”

Isa gave a nod, nuzzling his head closer towards Ryuuji, letting Ryuuji gently pet his hair.

 

“By the way, I won’t be coming this afternoon.”

Isa looked up to Ryuuji sleepily, “Why?”

“I have to go to a seminar,” Ryuuji replied, “They’re developing a drug that might help your disease. You know how the genetic mutation causes your nerve cells to die quicker?”

Isa nodded.

“This drug might be able to slow it down.”

“Basically I’ll still die,” Isa concluded, “But slower.”

“...well, now that you put it that way…”

“That’s fine,” Isa said, “I’ll do it if you want me to.”

“It has to be your decision, Isa,” Ryuuji said, “Or your parents’, but I’m guessing you don’t want anything to do with them anymore.”

“I’ll do it,” Isa said, resolute – “I… I still want to be with you, Ryuuji – for as long as possible.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah,” Isa replied with a sigh – “I… don’t know when it started or why, Ryuuji, but… you’re doing strange things to my feelings. I used to think there’s no point in anything anymore, and… maybe it’s true. After seeing how terrible my parents really are, especially, but…”

Isa sighed as he looked up to Ryuuji, and reached out his hand to cup his cheek.

“Don’t leave,” he whispered, “Let’s just stay together like this forever, Ryuuji... please?”

 

 

But time can only go on mercilessly, can it not?

Not turning back, not waiting for anyone.

Time goes on, and soon enough,

it will run out.


	7. 423

June 10th, 21XX

 

“Good morning, Isa-kun!”

Ryuuji walked into the room to find Isa lying on the bed, as usual. 

The food on the cart next to the bed was untouched – not even any of the liquid had been taken. 

Isa slowly turned his head towards Ryuuji, and a weak smile formed at his lips. 

“Good morning, doctor. How are you today?”

 

“The weather seems nice today!”

Ryuuji looked out of the window, where he could see the hospital garden – some patients were taking a walk, or simply sitting there, relaxing. 

“We should go for a walk, Isa-kun!” Ryuuji suggested, “It’s the beginning of summer! It’ll be pretty warm!”

Isa slowly turned his head to look out of the window,  before turning to Ryuuji again with a sigh. 

“I don’t feel like talking to people.”

“We can just go out there and sit,” Ryuuji said, “I can get you something to eat if you want, too! What about it?”

  
  


Isa looked at Ryuuji for a second, as if hazily, before he slowly turned to the window again and let out a sigh. 

“By the way, now that you’ve been on the experimental medicine for almost two weeks now,” Ryuuji said, “How do you feel about it?”

“Well, about that…” Isa slowly shook his head, “You see, Ryuuji...”

“What is it, darling?”

“I… can’t seem to feel my arms.”

 

Silence took over for a while. 

Isa turned to look at Ryuuji again –

He seemed aghast.

He was still smiling, although it seemed a lot more empty now – but one look at his eyes and Isa could tell. 

Ryuuji took Isa’s hand in his, placing it by his face and gently caressing it. 

“You… can feel my hand, can’t you?”

Isa gave a nod. 

“I simply can’t move my fingers… or anything from my arm down. 

“Maybe the disease is at the stage where that drug you got can’t improve it anymore…”

 

Ryuuji fell silent – only stared at Isa deeply. 

His mouth opened, as if he was going to say something – only he decided not to, and let out a sigh instead. 

“...I’m… I’m sorry, Isa.”

“It’s not your fault,” Isa replied, “I’m going to be fine.”

 

It hurts. 

Knowing that whatever you do now won’t change anything, and yet… 

It feels wrong to just accept it as the truth. 

Maybe it’s just denial,

but the truth always prevails.

But what else can be done, now?

 

“...let’s keep trying with the medicine, shall we?”

Isa gave a nod as Ryuuji continued petting his head. 

“I mean, not like it’ll do me any more harm,” Isa said, “The worst case situation is I die – which is going to happen anyways.”

“I don’t know,” Ryuuji muttered, his voice now trembling – “I suppose… I’m not ready… I’m never ready... for something like this.”

Ryuuji quickly wiped his tear before they could fall, and looked away from Isa with a sigh. 

 

It felt so strange, for some reason, to see Ryuuji even come close to tears.

Maybe it’s because he’s always been smiling, always seem happy – 

_ “I want you to live, Isa, no matter what it takes, no matter how impossible it is.”  _

 

Isa would reach out his hand to pat Ryuuji on the head, if only he could.

“I’ll be fine, Ryuuji,” Isa said, “In fact, if anyone should be crying right now, it’s me, since I’m the one dying, you know.”

“It’s still…” 

“Don’t cry now,” Isa said, “Things can’t get worse than this, after all.”

“Am I supposed to find consolation in that?” Ryuuji asked, smiling sadly, “That from here on, things can’t get any worse? Have we hit rock bottom? 

“What about when you die? Is that better than this?”

Ryuuji stopped talking, and carefully lifted Isa’s body from the bed and held it tightly, letting Isa rest his head on his shoulders. 

Isa couldn’t really see it, but he was certain that Ryuuji was crying. 

He could feel Ryuuji’s entire body shaking, could hear him sobbing softly. 

 

“Isa… Isa, I’m scared. I don’t ever want to lose you…

“Why am I… so powerless? Why can’t I do anything for you?”

 

It hurts. 

Seeing the person you love suffer, and yet, you can’t do anything about it. 

You’re the cause, after all.

If only you can take away that sorrow from them, and put it upon yourself… that would be nice. 

 

“Don’t cry, Ryuuji. I’m going to cry, too…

“It’s alright. Everything’s going to be fine, Ryuuji. You being here is enough for me…”

  
  



	8. 513

June 18th, 21XX

 

“Good morning, Isa-kun!”

Ryuuji walked into the room, and carefully closed the door behind him.

Isa was lying on the bed, asleep – he didn’t seem to notice Ryuuji walking in.

Ryuuji sat down on the edge of the bed, leaning over to kiss Isa on the forehead. Isa stirred a little, but his eyes remained closed.

Isa seemed to be sleeping peacefully – his face seemed relaxed, and he seemed to be breathing normally, too.

 

Ryuuji would usually be fine with this – only Isa had barely been awake for the past three days.

Only the constant beeping of the EKG told him Isa was still alive.

Food or drink isn’t a problem, since those can be delivered via the IV. He does seem to have brief periods of consciousness, in which he just stared out of the window until he falls back asleep…

 

Who knows.

Maybe he’s just afraid Isa would never wake up again.

 

“Can you hear me, Isa?

“If you do… that’s alright. You can continue to sleep, but…

“I… miss you, Isa. I’m really worried about you.”

Ryuuji gently mussed Isa’s hair, although of course, Isa didn’t respond at all.

“I’ll stay here for a while with you, alright, darling?” Ryuuji asked, “I just don’t want you to feel lonely. I don’t have any more patients for a few hours anyway…”

“I’ll fold a few cranes, how does that sound?”

 

_“Right, now that I think about it…_

_“Ryuuji, since I can’t move my hands anymore, I can’t fold cranes anymore.”_

_“Ah, that’s right – Isa-kun also wanted to get to a thousand cranes, yes?”_

_“I know you’re already trying to fold cranes, but… do you think you can start a new set for me?_

_“...I’m sorry. That’s a really selfish request, isn’t it?”_

_“Don’t worry about it, Isa-kun! When I get to a thousand with my current set, I’ll make the wish for you!_

 

“Isa-kun told me that the wish isn’t for yourself, right?

“I sure hope it’s not anything about exacting revenge for your parents. You don’t need to get to a thousand cranes for that – I can kick their asses anytime you want, Isa-kun. It’s not difficult anyways – I’ll just tell them you’re doing experimental treatment in another hospital, but in fact I’ve taken you away to some desolate island…

“...no, I won’t do anything like that, so don’t worry, Isa-kun!

“But still… it would be nice if I could.

“Isa-kun is so selfless and kind, after all. I don’t think you’d do anything like that…”

Ryuuji put down his finished crane on the nightstand, and turned to hold Isa’s hand.

 

“...Isa-kun, can you still hear me?

“I know I can’t see or understand anything from this side, but Isa-kun must be fighting hard.

“But if you don’t want to do it anymore… it’s alright, Isa-kun. I won’t be angry or anything.”

 

Because, perhaps,

sometimes we simply have to let go.

  



	9. Chapter 9

“Dr. Kawara, someone is here to see you.”

“Is that so?” Ryuuji asked, looking up from his tenth paper crane that day – “I’ll go out and meet them.”

“It’s Mr. Ichijou, sir,” the nurse added nervously – because at this point, pretty much every employee of the hospital knows what happened – “He insists to see Isa… I mean Utsuro-san.”

Ryuuji put down the crane on the nightstand, along with the others, before turning to look at Isa for a second – 

What would Isa have to say about this? 

Should he even go out to meet him? He can imagine a rather unpleasant conversation coming up. 

 

But of course, Isa had no say in this. 

Not anymore. 

 

“...I’ll go out and meet him. I don’t want Isa to listen to what we have to say…”

~•~

“Good afternoon, doctor.”

“Good afternoon!” Ryuuji greeted, with the biggest smile he could force – “What brings you here today, sir?”

“I’m wondering why you won’t let me see my son, actually,” Ichijou replied, “I’m aware he’s been unconscious for a few days now.”

“Well, I just figured we shouldn’t disturb him,” Ryuuji replied, “And after what happened to him that day, I don’t think he would like to have you around… you know.”

Ichijou fell silent upon hearing this, but said nothing about it. 

 

“Do you think he’ll ever wake up?”

“Maybe,” Ryuuji replied with a sigh, “I’m worried about the level of activity in his brain. This period of unconsciousness may deal some damage to the parts that are not receiving enough oxygen and whatnot. I can’t really say anything until he wakes up.”

“You know, doctor, if it gets too complicated…” Ichijou sighed, “You can just pull the plug.”

 

“...is that so?”

Ryuuji had no idea how to feel for a moment. It is surprising to hear that coming from a parent – 

But still, what difference would it make anyway?

No matter what happens, one of these days, Isa would just die, and nothing he does will ever change that. 

 

“Maybe it’s about time I stop lying to myself as well, huh?

“But still, if possible, I…

“...no, I suppose nothing can be done now.”

  
  


June 25th, 21XX

 

“Good morning, Isa-kun!”

Isa only watched quietly as Ryuuji closed the door behind him and walked into the room, his purple eyes trailing Ryuuji’s every move. 

“...it’s… not morning...”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Ryuuji replied, “It’s about eleven PM right now. Are you hungry?”

Isa shook his head. 

“...how long… did I... sleep?”

“About five days now, maybe,” Ryuuji replied, “This is the most conscious you’ve ever been. Usually you just look out of the window until you fall asleep again, and wouldn’t respond to anything.”

“...sorry.”

“That’s perfectly alright.” 

Ryuuji sat down on the edge of the bed, gently patting Isa’s head. Isa only stared at him longingly – as if he hadn’t seen Ryuuji in forever. 

But indeed – even for Ryuuji, the five days felt like five hundred years. 

Maybe it’s even more terrifying for Isa, who could see nothing but darkness. 

“...why… are you still… here?”

“I don’t really have anything to go home to anyway. I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.”

Isa fell silent, turning his attention to the window, that unfortunately was covered with curtains. Ryuuji quickly noticed this, and got up to open the curtains. 

 

The sky was clear that day. 

The stars hung up in the sky, with the moon accompanying them. The stars looked like glitter scattered on a piece of black paper – 

The vast night sky, with its hidden secrets and beauty. 

 

“...stars…”

“They look pretty from here, too, don’t they, Isa-kun?.”

“...that’s… where I’ll go… soon.

 

“I saw it… in a dream… Ryuuji.”

“What did you see, Isa-kun?”

“...my dad… told you to just… go ahead and kill me, didn’t he?”

 

“Isa, that won’t happen.”

Ryuuji sat back down, taking Isa’s hand in his. 

“You do realize… that that’s ultimately… what will happen.”

“I know,” Ryuuji replied, “But I won’t do it unless you ask me to, Isa.”

“I don’t know… maybe it’s… for the best.”

Isa turned to look at the window again, thinking deeply – 

 

“...Ryuuji, you’ll… always… watch after me, won’t you?

“It really makes me happy… that you’re still here… despite everything.

“So… thank you.”

Isa turned to look at Ryuuji again, and he could feel Ryuuji’s grip on his hand tightening, almost shaking. 

“I’m scared, too…” Isa muttered, “I don’t want… to be somewhere… without Ryuuji...”

“Isa, don’t worry about that.”

Ryuuji gently lifted Isa’s body from the bed, resting his head by his chest and holding it close. 

Ryuuji felt warm and tender – 

Felt so comfortable. 

 

“I think… I’m falling asleep again, Ryuuji.

“Can you... stay with me until I fall asleep?”

“Sure, Isa.”

“...will you… be here when I wake up?” Isa looked up to Ryuuji, “Please?”

 

“...I don’t know.”

_ Right now, I can’t even tell if this is the last time you’ll be awake.  _

 

“You know, Ryuuji, all the time we’ve been together… I’ve never felt… more loved.

“Maybe because my parents are like that, or maybe… maybe it’s you. I’ve never had… someone care so much for me...

“If only… we had met earlier, Ryuuji… maybe we could’ve stayed together longer.”

“...maybe.”

“But this is good enough. Having you here… makes me happy.

“I love you, Ryuuji.”

 

Ryuuji stared at Isa for a while, silent –

“You’ve known it all along, haven’t you?” Isa asked, “Sorry… I should’ve told you earlier.”

 

Of course he’d known it all along. 

Maybe he was just trying to save himself some pain. 

Trying to cut all attachments to this world. 

But still… perhaps meeting Ryuuji had been a blessing after all. 

A small spark at the end of the darkness. 

 

“I love you too.”

Ryuuji leaned over, kissing Isa on the forehead. Isa nuzzled his head on Ryuuji’s face, as if trying to get closer.  

 

“By the way, how many cranes have you folded?”

“I haven’t been keeping count,” Ryuuji replied, “I don’t think I’m at a thousand, though. Maybe give me a few days?”

 

_ Please, _

_ stay with me just a little longer.  _

 

“...is it okay if I just make the wish now?” Isa asked, “Can you fulfill it for me, Ryuuji?”

“I’ll try my best,” Ryuuji replied, “As long as it doesn’t involve genocide or anything.”

“Of course not,” Isa replied, smiling – “I just wanted to… wish for your happiness.

“Isn’t love… the willingness to do anything… to make your lover happy?

“Do that for me, will you, Ryuuji?”

 

Ryuuji didn’t reply –

Only kept his gaze at Isa, without saying a word. 

 

“...will you?”

“I don’t know,” Ryuuji muttered, his voice coarse – “I’ll try.”

“That’s good enough…”

 

Isa let out slow, long exhale as his eyelids slowly fell. 

Ryuuji only watched quietly, holding Isa as tightly as he could – as if that would prevent him from leaving. 

Feeling for Isa’s warmth, watching as his face slowly relaxes –

Listening for every beep on the machine, every breath. 

He seemed so peaceful, so happy now. 

 

“Sleep well, Isa. I hope you’ll feel better tomorrow.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaand THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR BEARING WITH ME I HOPE I BROUGHT A BIT OF... SUFFERING TO YOUR LIVES  
> and blame @FluffyHeretic too, for suggesting that last sentence,


End file.
